1. SO MANY MEN, SO FEW WHO CAN AFFORD ME.

2. GOD MADE US SISTERS, PROZAC MADE US FRIENDS.

3. IF THEY DON'T HAVE CHOCOLATE IN HEAVEN, I AIN'T GOING.

4. MY MOTHER IS A TRAVEL AGENT FOR GUILT TRIPS.

5. PRINCESS, HAVING HAD SUFFICIENT EXPERIENCE WITH PRINCES, SEEKS FROG.

6. COFFEE, CHOCOLATE, MEN ... SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER RICH.

7. DON'T TREAT ME ANY DIFFERENTLY THAN YOU WOULD THE QUEEN

8. IF YOU WANT BREAKFAST IN BED, SLEEP IN THE KITCHEN.

10. I'M OUT OF ESTROGEN - AND I HAVE A GUN.

11. GUYS HAVE FEELINGS TOO. BUT LIKE...WHO CARES?

12. NEXT MOOD SWING: 6 MINUTES

Sex is a misdemeanor..the more you miss it the meaner you get

Constipated People Don't Give A Shit.

Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself.

If You Drink, Don't Park; Accidents Cause People.

Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings".

Please Tell Your Pants Its Not Polite To Point.

If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut.

To All You Virgins, Thanks For Nothing.

It's Not How You Pick Your Nose, But Where You Put The Booger.

If You're Not A Haemorrhoid, Get Off My Ass.

You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me.

The Earth Is Full --- Go Home.

I Have The Body Of A God ... Buddha.

If Sex Is A Pain In The Ass, Then You're Doing It Wrong.

If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over.
[Seen upside Down, On A Jeep]

Guys --- No Shirt, No Service; Gals --- No Shirt, No Charge.
[Reported To Be Seen On A Restaurant]

Body By Nautilus --- Brain By Mattel.

Boldly Going Nowhere.

Cat --- The Other White Meat.

Caution --- Driver Legally Blonde!

Saw It ... Wanted It ... Had A Fit ... Got It!

This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me.

Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult.

If We Quit Voting, Will They All Go Away?

It's Been Lovely, But I Have To Scream Now.

Sex Appeal....Please give generously

If we are what we eat, I'm cheap, fast and easy!

Only Users Lose Drugs  Thanks Scott Harrison

Take my advice!  I don't use it anyway

Save toilet paper - use both sides

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane!

I can resist anything, except temptation

Light travels faster than sound.  
This is why some people appear bright, until they speak

I'm so poor, I can't even pay attention

War doesn't determine who's right.  Just who's left

To err is human, to moo, bovine

Some people are wise, and some are otherwise

Hug your kids at home and belt them in the car

Smile...it's the second best thing you can do with your lips

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most

I know you have a thing for me, but why is it so small and deformed?

Nice front bumper you've got there...Shame if something happened to it

I've found Jesus; he was hiding behind the sofa the whole time

Are those your eyeballs?  I found them in my cleavage

Make yourself at home - Clean my kitchen

Who are these kids and why are they calling me mum?

I started out with nothing and still have most of it left

Not all men are annoying - some are dead

Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after

My boss is just like a diaper: Always on my ass and always full of shit!

ILLITERATE?  Write today for FREE information

If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I'D FART

I may be slow...but I'm ahead of you!

I OWE, I OWE, SO OFF TO WORK I GO

My KARma ran over your DOGma

FOR SALE: Ex-wife - Take over payment or best offer

Keep honking...I'm reloading

DON'T PISS ME OFF.....I'm running out of places to hide the bodies

If you're rich... I'm single

 I think, therefore I'm single

He who laughs last, thinks slowest

Horse lovers are stable people

If at first you succeed, try not to look astonished

If at first you don't succeed, blame someone else and seek counselling

I.R.S.  We've got what it takes to take what you've got

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

Out of my mind. Back in 5 minutes

Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot

Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let him sleep

Where there's a will, I want to be in it

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps

 i souport publik edekasion

The sex was so good, even the neighbours had a cigarette

Be nice to your kids, they'll choose your nursing home

Insanity is hereditary, you get it from your kids

3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't

Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

Sex on television can't hurt you, unless you fall off

Stop reading this and watch where you're going

I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it

Few women admit their age; Few men act theirs

Madness takes it's toll; please leave exact change

I used to have a handle on life; then it broke

Don't steal!....The government hates competition.

F.B.I. Female Body Inspector

Good girls go to heaven....bad girls go everywhere

Hit me....I need the money!

I can't be overdrawn!....I still have checks left

I smile, because I have absolutely no idea what's going on

I'm not an alcoholic!...I'm a drunk....alcoholics go to meetings!

I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person!

I tried to drown my troubles, but he learned to swim!

Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday

The face is familiar, but I can't quite remember my name

This is NOT an abandoned car!

When did my "wild oats" become "shredded wheat"? 

What part of "NO" don't you understand?

On a bikers jacket:  If you can read this, I lost my girl

The 3 rings of marriage: 1.engagement ring...2.wedding ring..3.suffe ring

Always remember you're unique, just like everybody else

Smile if you aren't wearing any underwear

HORN BROKE....Watch for finger

HONK if anything falls off

RETIRED?  HELL, NO! I'M NOT EVEN TIRED YET!

Annoy a politician....THINK

My job drives me to drink...if it wasn't for that....I'D QUIT

On a caravan...."We are spending our kids' inheritance"

Warning!....dates in calendars are closer than they appear

Save water.....Drink beer

I like cats too....let's exchange recipes